Ah, CES—where innovation meets chaos, and the future is just a few $500 smart toasters away from self-awareness. Welcome to Geekzilla’s behind-the-scenes look at the annual tech circus that makes us question if we’re really evolving as a society or just getting distracted by LED lights and robots that can vacuum your living room.
Let’s dive right in. Buckle up, because CES 2023 was a rollercoaster of viral moments, laughable prototypes, and just enough tech hype to make even Elon Musk scratch his head.
1. The Most Useless, Yet Mesmerizing, Prototype of the Show: The “Wearable” Fridge
The world’s first wearable fridge, people. No, that’s not a typo. A team of engineers unveiled this revolutionary (and by revolutionary, we mean downright terrifying) piece of technology that lets you wear a mini-fridge around your waist. The product was promoted as a “hands-free cooling experience” for all your drinks. The pitch? You can carry a six-pack of soda while you get your steps in—because nothing says efficiency like walking around with a beer gut in training.
The fridge doesn’t keep its contents cold for long, and we’re pretty sure it weighs more than a small child. But hey, for $800, you too can look like you’re living in a post-apocalyptic world where convenience trumps common sense.
2. AI and the Age of Actually Smart Smartwatches
Moving on to something with a bit more functionality (and fewer questionable fashion choices), AI-powered smartwatches were everywhere. But it’s not the same old fitness-tracking, step-counting nonsense. Nope. The latest models now use AI to predict when you’re about to collapse from exhaustion, which is ironically too late to do anything about it. But hey, better late than never, right?
One stand-out was the “Smartwatch 3000,” which claims it can track your sleep cycles, blood pressure, and even give you relationship advice. This thing could literally tell you to “take a nap” and then “text your ex” in the same breath. The only thing it’s missing is the ability to block your ex’s number for you, which frankly seems like an oversight.
3. The Big Announcements: An Ocean of TV Screens
In case you thought CES was a place for anything other than TVs, let’s talk about the flood of screens that graced the event. OLED? Of course. 8K? Absolutely. 120Hz refresh rate? Yeah, sure. There was even a TV so thin it could slip under your doorframe, which sounds great until you realize you have to pay for an invisible screen that costs $3,000. Who knew the future of entertainment involved getting ripped off for something you don’t actually need?
Samsung stole the show with its “Infinity Screen,” which rolls up like a carpet when you’re done with it. It’s the future, and it’s probably way too advanced for most of us to comprehend. Still, there was something oddly satisfying about seeing a flat screen TV curl up like a sleeping cat. If only your credit card bills could do the same.
4. Robots That Absolutely Do Not Want to Help You
Ah, robots. The ones we rely on to save us from ourselves. Except, apparently, they’re all either broken or plotting against us. CES 2023 brought an entire army of ‘helper’ robots to the stage, most of which could barely move without causing a scene. Forget about “personal assistants”—half of these things could barely open a door without crashing into it first. One robot was supposed to help with food delivery at a hotel. After a long, awkward performance of inching across the floor, it promptly got stuck on a rug. Yeah, the future is so bright.
Then there was the AI-powered therapy robot. Supposedly designed to offer emotional support, this robot somehow managed to only make us feel worse about ourselves. Maybe it’s the fact that it spoke in a tone so monotone it made Siri sound like a stand-up comedian, or maybe it was the eyes that refused to blink. Either way, we’re still trying to figure out if we were being comforted or judged.
5. The Most Viral Tech Moment: The Flying Car
Okay, we have to admit: there was one moment that genuinely made us do a double-take. The flying car. The one you’ve seen in sci-fi movies since you were a kid. Well, it’s here—kinda. At CES 2023, a prototype of the world’s first flying car was unveiled to the delight of tech enthusiasts and, honestly, just about anyone who’s ever played Grand Theft Auto.
Unfortunately, this “flying car” didn’t really fly so much as it hovered for 3 seconds before crashing into the booth next door. But hey, baby steps. Still, the fact that it’s getting closer to being a reality is pretty wild. We’re not sure if it’ll be used to beat traffic or cause it, but either way, count us in when it’s available for purchase—provided we can afford the inevitable lawsuits.
6. The Most Annoying Trend: The “Sustainable” Pitch
Let’s not beat around the bush here—CES 2023 was full of products claiming to be “eco-friendly” and “sustainable,” but the most sustainable thing about them was the endless parade of companies hoping you’d buy into their greenwashing efforts. From bamboo toothbrush chargers to plastic-free drones, the sustainability angle was slapped on just about everything, and it’s starting to feel like an excuse for charging more for something that shouldn’t have been made in the first place.
We get it, world—climate change is real. But at this point, every tech company is slapping the word “sustainable” on their products like it’s a badge of honor. News flash: The real sustainable solution might just be not buying a new gadget every year because you’re addicted to the hype.
Final Thoughts: CES 2023—The Future, with a Side of Questionable Decisions
So there you have it, folks. CES 2023, where the future of technology is simultaneously exhilarating and terrifying. While some of the innovations felt like genuine leaps forward, others seemed more like desperate attempts to make something “cool” out of pure nonsense. Will any of these prototypes make it to market? Who knows. But one thing is for sure: we’ll be here, with our snarky commentary, to track every bizarre moment of the tech apocalypse.